Dear Manny,

Thank you for taking time to visit our blog site. We understand for the next couple of months you will be seeking some sort of diversion until you can return to the diamond. We have a suggestion for you. Why not join our owner and founder, John, for some tennis doubles action? There is an independent tennis league in the area called T2, which may the perfect way for you to fill your time.

John is in possession of legal prescription steroids for his back ailment (MethylPREDNIsolone) and he also has a a fresh bottle of Prednisone for his dog. We know he will share with you if you care to partake while on the court. To date the T2 tennis league has no silly rules banning substances such as steroids so all will be cool. Heck, if you want to cork your racquet John will help you. It’s perfectly legal here.

We are not sure of your experience level in the sport of tennis, but it won’t matter because John is pretty good and will coach you through the matches. You will of course get all of the “glory” shots and your opponents will come to fear you. With the pair of you on steroids, we suspect you will be fervently blasting winners from all over the court. You will be awesome.

Just a few things to keep in mind…

1. Hitting the ball over the fence on the fly is considered “bad” in tennis, it must first strike the opponents side of court before leaving the yard.
2. High fly balls are actually lobs. They should not be caught. Just smack the living bijeebers out of them making sure they hit the opponents court before becoming souvenirs.
3. No spitting on the court.
4. No cleats.
5. Grabbing crotch…no rule against it, go ahead if you like.
6. Can’t call out “infield fly rule” on high balls.
7. Nobody in tennis bunts, but grunts are commonplace.
8. Not likely to foul anything off your foot in tennis.
9. High scoring games with plenty of opportunities for hits.
10. If you do well in T2 doubles, John may invite you to participate on his ALTA team during your off season.

Manny, c’mon and play. It’s all good. Lots of fun. Plenty of opportunities to smash balls, keeping that hand/eye coordination in tip-top shape. Did we mention that chicks in short skirts are frequently at the courts and they dig burley tennis players? Oh yah, one more thing. Division winners are awarded tennis ball magnets that say “Division Winner.” How awesome would one of those be on that Bentley?

Thank you, Manny, for your consideration. Looking forward to seeing you on the courts real soon!